Church Humour
There was a church that had problems with outsiders
parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:
CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY
Trespassers will be baptized!"
CHURCH SIGN BOARDS:
"No God - No Peace"
"Know God - Know Peace."
"Free Trip to Heaven."
"Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays."
"They're better than Dairy Queen's".
"Searching for a new look?"
"Have your faith lifted here!"
"People are like tea bags."
"You have to put them in hot water before
you know how strong they are."
"Fight truth decay."
"Study the Bible daily."
"How will you spend eternity?"
"Smoking or Non-smoking?"
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being
born again."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to
obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
"This is a ch_ _ ch."
"What is missing? - (U R)"
"In the dark?"
"Follow the Son."
"Running low on faith?"
"Step in for a fill-up."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep."
"Talk to the Shepherd."
"Come work for the Lord."
"The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low.
But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding
stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments
are inscribed and a headline that reads,
"For fast, fast, fast relief,take two tablets."
When the restaurant next to another Church put out
a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays,"
the church reciprocated with its own message:
"We are open on Sundays, too."
AND THE WINNER IS !
- ON THE PASTOR'S PARKING SPOT -
"PASTOR'S SPOT"
"YOU PARK, YOU PREACH"